We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
