LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
