no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
