I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
