I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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