if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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