I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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