hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
