Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
