When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
