After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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