I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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