so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
