I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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