i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
