I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
