Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
