U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
