If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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