Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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