her vagine was all disorganized.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
