I think my vagina is haunted
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
