Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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