Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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