Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
