i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
