your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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