Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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