can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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