I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I will be naked everywhere
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
