Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
