if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
