I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
