You smell like stripper and shame
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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