I seem to have left my pride at pride
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Holy shit dude........stairs
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
