Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hell yes lets make some ravioli
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
