We're like a lot better than the average bears
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
