can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
