I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
