Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
