A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
even my farts smell like vagina
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
