Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
