did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Apparently you make a good broom.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
