theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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