Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
