I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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