Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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