Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
