Yo dont text me then not text me
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
