it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
