I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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