How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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