Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
